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I
would just like to say that you did a very good "talk" today
at my high school. I was wondering if you just had any advice on dating?
Let me know Please! Thanks! |
| Age:
15 |
Gender:
Female |
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I
believe that dating is not a good idea until you are at least 16.
I think you need that time to figure out how to be friends with many
different types of people not focused on one relationship. I also
think that group dating is a good idea until college. Group dating
allows you the opportunity to hangout with a lot of different people
even if you are particularly interested in one person. Also it takes
a lot of pressure off getting more involved physically. Thanks for
the great question. Pam |
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This
really isn't a question I just wanted to say thank you for being bold
and telling young people exactly what the consequences are if you
have sex. I went my whole life thinking there is no way I am going
to have sex before I am married. Before long though I started hanging
out with the wrong crowd which did me in. A few months ago I had sex
with a girl while I was high. At the time I didn't care. But the next
day I woke up and I felt like death. It lasted for weeks. I heard
you speak. You scared me to death. That day I made a promise, although
my life will always be scarred, never again until I am married will
I even put myself in the position to have sex. Thank you so much.
You have no idea. |
| Age:
18 |
Gender:
Male |
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You
have made a decision that will affect your life today and in the future.
I know that you won't regret it. |
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A
year ago, I was going through a really rebellious stage in my life,
and I started looking at pornography and having cyber-sex. I stopped
this almost immediately, and am no longer even tempted to look or
do either. My paretns don't know about this, but they heard about
RatedG, and so they switched to if. So I know that it's not even possible
for me to do that anymore even if I was tempted. So my question is
should my parents know about what I did? It was a while ago, and I
don't want to talk about it or bring it up, but I wanted your opinion
on this. Thanks. |
| Age:
14 |
Gender:
Female |
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You
might not like this answer, but I think you should tell your parents.
Your parents are on your team. I believe they love you and want what
is best for you. Thanks for the email. Pam |
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Dear
Pam, Hello I am the mother of a 15 going on 16 year old girl who oversteps
every boundry we lay down we are trying to home school her she takes
off when our backs are turned sneaks off to be with friends boys she
is sexually active that much we are sure of. Can you give me some
idea's of some boundries I could lay down with her? Thank you Gabby |
| Age:
40-49 |
Gender:
Female |
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Gabby:
First let me say that you are NOT responsible for your daughters choices...
SHE IS! That said, it sounds like you have tried to lay the boundaries
down and I am not sure what the consequences have been and how they
have been enforced.. but I would spend some time with your husband..
decide on what the boundaries need to be for her ( friends she can
spend time with, what she does with her "free time", school
activities, church activities, etc. ) decide ahead of time on what
the consequences will be if she does not abide by the rules... and
then present a united front... sit down with her, explain clearly
what is expected and what the results will be if she does not do what
is expected.. and stick to it. She may need to see a counselor, and
she ABSOLUTELY needs to see a doctor. Please take her to and OBGYN
that you trust and have her tested. She needs extensive STD testing,
for both bacterial and viral std's ... and will have to at MINIMUM
have a pap smear every 6 months now for the next three years before
we will know what she may be carrying! She needs to understand how
seriously she has put herself and her future and her ability to ever
have children at risk. Sadly, it might take a very SERIOUS consequence
in her life before she will realize what she is doing is wrong and
turn her life around. Pam |
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Dear
Pam, I have a wonderful bf. I love him so much. He never makes me
do anything I don't want to do, he opens the door for me and is the
sweetest thing in the world. I don't know what's wrong with me. I
mean I still love him, but I feel like the excitement is gone. I mean
this is really strange because he and I have never kissed before.
I find myself thinking of other guys. Not flirting with them, just
thinking about them. My mom and dad love my bf. My brother's and sister's
think him as an older brother. He is 17 almost 18. and i'll be 16
soon. he is my first bf. I don't know what to do. My mom has noticed
that something is wrong. But I don't want to tell her b/c it'll break
her heart. Everyone loves him, including me!! I still love him I really
do. We even talk about getting married and my mom and dad like it.
They ask for us to wait till after college for both of us. I don't
know what is wrong with me. Do you have any suggestions? Please tell
me, I could use some right now! Thank you. |
| Age:
15 |
Gender:
Female |
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Dear
Kendra, Thanks for the email. I don't think anything is wrong with
you, but it does sound like this relationship is putting a lot of
strain on you. It sounds like you are making good choices physically.
I am not exactly sure what you mean by "excitement," and
I am also concerned that a person your age is feeling pressure to
think about marriage,etc. Fifteen is a very young age to be involved
in a serious relationship. I don't even suggest that girls go on group
dates until they are sixteen. I encourage you to talk to your parents
about what you are feeling, so they completely know your side. Then
have a serious talk with your boyfriend. Maybe it is time to take
a step back from this relationship. Stay strong. |
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Dear
Pam, I am 21, and have met the girl of my dreams. I know that there
is sruggles in a good relationship for learning reasons and grouth
and what not, but I have hit a couple hard ones~Were we stand is We
are pretty much engaged with the ring being made right now. With us
bolth knowing where our relationship is going its touph to face the
sexual end. We know the importance of saving it for marrage, but we
get so dang close. We love eachother and will be married within a
year. So when we play its alot of foreplay. We dont feel like were
doing wrong all the time just some times, or no hardly ever. Is forplay
ok for premarital partners, being engaged, is there limits or just
the one. I want to be a great man of God for her and just want to
make sure Im staying in the right! Second Question: One of my problems
was that my watching my mom be protective all my life has rubbed off,
and comes across more in a not trusting kinda way. Wich has brought
us through a real touph time, I feel like its just a real bad habbit,
cause deep down I trust her so much she is awsome and has a good walk
with God! But me being an idiot am doing stupid things, like quizing
her on things she did and what not, I dont want to and know its wrong,
and want it gone!!! I want to treat her the best! I know I have scared
her into thinking that that is the way I am, but I told her the truth,
and I would prove it, I have bene doing really good, and God and some
Good mentoring friends have helped me along aswell. But I just want
to hear what you have to say~ I love this girl and want our relationship
to be the best possible and her to always Love me and think the best
of me~ I want to straighten up for her all the way~ added help ...
Thank you, this is the first time Im wrote you! |
| Age:
21 |
Gender:
Male |
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Dear
Friend, It sounds like you are facing a lot of the normal "we
are going to get married" struggles. I want to remind you that
you are "pretty much engaged" and will be "married
within a year". That doesn't mean that you are married now. I
suggest that you discuss your boundaries today, knowing that your
physical struggles will continue to increase until your wedding day.
Know your boundaries and stick to them. Also, communication is going
to be key. You will want to discuss with your girlfriend your relationship
with your mother and why you may respond in a protective manner. You
also need to understand that you are an adult and you are in control
of your actions and questions, so start working on that today. Finding
relationships that will encourage and challenge you is a great start.
Stay strong! |
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Dear
Pam, My daughter is 16 & recently got pregnant by her boyfriend.
She miscarried early (thank God) but now I am faced with what to do
to prevent this again. I had asked the parents to "keep an eye
on them" when she was over there at his house. I have a rule
at my house that they aren't allowed in her bedroom. He won't come
over here, as he thinks my rules are stupid. But they don't have this
rule at his house...and now, forbidding her to go to his house will
only make her hate me (she hates me frequently). His parents don't
know about this pregnancy,& they don't want me to talk to his
parents. What am I to do? My daughter's dad died when she was 3, &
I fear she is trying to replace something lost. She has been a rebellious
child since then (3). I took her to a counselor a few months ago,
who kept stressing how I could not "control" her (she was
smoking at the time). I stopped going to her. What advice do you have?
She won't go to a church counselor. |
| Age:
21+ |
Gender:
Female |
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I
am sorry for the struggle you are facing and clearly there are no
easy answers. Let me give a few "difficult" solutions. First,
you are allowing your daughter and her boyfriend to dictate your decisions.
The power is theirs because you give it to them. You are not responsible
for your daughter's RESPONSE (i.e. rebellion, hating you, disobeying
the rules). You ARE responsible for your DECISIONS. The boyfriends
parents need to know, sorry if they don't like it. Your daughter cannot
be at his house unsupervised, if she doesn't like it, sorry. If you
find out she has disobeyed there should be appropriate consequences.
If she is consistently defiant, it is time for counseling. I am not
soley concerned about the pregnancy. Your daughter needs a full gynecological
exam. She is at high risk for chlamydia, herpes and especially Human
Papilloma Virus (genital warts). These diseases usually have no visable
symptoms and require extensive testing by an OBGYN to detect. Herpes
and HPV are PERMANENT, they are viruses!! Both have long term implications
for your daughters' future fertility. Chlamydia is a baterial infection
and as such is treatable with antibiotics, however, the damage it
causes is the leading cause of infertility in women. Your daughter
needs to understand the risk she taking and quite possibly the best
place for her to understand this is the experience of a doctor's visit
and the advice she will get there. We have a great brochure available
that will further explain these risks... "Sex is a Choice"..
available by calling my office at 1-800-786-8283. Don't give up, hang
in there, you may have to risk the relationship in the short term
to save your daughters life and keep the relationship in the long
run. My best to you, Pam Stenzel |
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I
have a friend named Chris. We have been friends for 6 years, and i
have feeling for him. Should i tell him how I feel? Or should i let
him make the first move? |
| Age:
15 |
Gender:
Female |
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As
a fifteen-year-old you are still underage for dating according to
my family rules, so I would encourage you to continue to foster a
friendship with Chris. Continue to plan events with groups of friends
and in the future your friendship may grow into something more. I
definitely think that friendship should be the focus at this point. |
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